We decided last minute to take a family vacation in Playa del Carmen after Christmas. Being neither big eaters nor alcohol drinkers, we are not the type to benefit from all-inclusive resorts. But with unlimited entry to a host of theme parks – Xcaret, Xel-Ha, Xplor, and Xenses – we were ready to try out the “all-fun inclusive” Hotel Xcaret Mexico. We spent a quiet Christmas at home packing waterproof band-aids, reef-safe sunscreen, water shoes, and extra swim gear. Our red-eye to Cancun was uneventful and check-in was a breeze despite an attempt to lure us into a timeshare presentation for a $170 coupon. After sampling pancita and quesadillas at the Mercado de la Merced lunch buffet, we tried out the water slides and climbing wall selfies in the kids pool, which left Westley passed out through our meaty Brazilian BBQ dinner at Las Cuevas. We began Wednesday at Xel-Ha with fish therapy, dolphin and stingray encounters, and snorkeling in different inlets while Westley discovered pina colada, then returned to our hotel for excellent grilled octopus and ribeye at Cantina Los Faroles. We skipped the lines at Mercado next morning for breakfast at Xin Gao, then boarded a traijnera flat-bottomed boat past the Hotel Mexico Arte to Xcaret park. Floating down the underground river here reminded me of my college trip two decades ago, and both Melody and Westley felt accomplished completing the course. After our snorkeling got cut short by Melody’s mask malfunction, we lunched at La Caleta’s buffet, which we walked off at the turtle exhibit, aquarium, aviary, mariposario, and Mayan village. We rested our feet at the Xcaret Mexico Spectacular which featured Mayan assketball and fire hockey, lofty birdmen dance and battle reenactments, and regional musical performances complete with live horses, doves, and macaws, followed by poolside steak and seafood at La Trajinera. We returned to Xin Gao for more miso soup, matcha pancakes, and salmon yakitori for breakfast on Friday, then headed to Xplor for an exhilarating ATV drive, 7-zipline course, and another underground swim past stalagtites and stalagmites. Lunch at Chibali introduced us to donut-topped milkshakes and an impressive candy bar from which we stocked up on treats for an afternoon of 8-ball and TOTK. After an underwhelming beachside dinner at Las Playa, I soaked in our hot tub while Melody dried our swim gear with a hair dryer before bed. We tried Xenses on Saturday, where we relied on sounds, smells, and touch to traverse different terrains in the dark, then kept our balance ascending a gravity-defying “uphill” street. We took turns at a waterslide and zipline that Westley either wouldn’t or couldn’t do, then floated down underground rivers of saltwater and sludge which left us cold and muddy. We were nevertheless impressed by the details, including a lemonade faucet from a lemon tree and optical illusions that made good use of their “xelfie” photo system. We returned to Xcaret for birria, pozole, and churros at La Cocina, then back to the Mayan Village for a ceramics workshop and souvenir purchases before returning to the Cantina for family-style roast piglet. We spent Sunday back at Xel-Ha to tube down the lazy river, watch manatee get fed, and snorkel some more. The Mexican buffet was better than the international fare from our previous visit, and dinner at Xin Gao reminded us to avoid Asian cuisine in Mexico in the future. Westley stayed up just late enough to check out the festive but deafening NYE countdown while Melody slept through the party. We enjoyed our last morning at the Mercado buffet, then split up for souvenir and photo purchases before flying home on New Years Day. Our resort experience had me feeling indulged, pampered, and constantly overstuffed, reminiscent of HBO’s White Lotus. I was nevertheless fascinated by the impressive organization, attention to detail, and focus on Mexican culture that make this region a tourist hotspot.